letter
This issue was resolved very soon after I wrote it. I talked to Dad and he was telling me everything I needed to know without prompting. We were planning me to visit for the week of March 19th. That week we were going to discuss his wishes and go to the evaluation appointment and just hang out. Dad died the 16th.
Dear Dad,
I have to tell you that right now I'm feeling shut out. Hearing about what is going on third person is driving me batty.
Carol told me that you don't want me there for the transplant evaluation and all because you don't want me to be there for all the death talk. If you absolutely don't want me there, then I'll respect your wishes. But I want to be there for you. I need to help you through this. No matter which way it goes. Because I'm feeling like I'm being cheated on time. We've grown close over the past several years, and I'm selfish... I want more.
I spent most of my teenage years wanting you around. I honestly have no idea why things turned out the way they did. Then, with Emily and the subsequent events over the years, we've worked out a great relationship. One that I treasure immensely.
I've learned to accept what I can't/couldn't have and love what I do have.
While it pains me to know you are dying, I can accept it. And I would like do anything and everything I can to help you. And that includes being with you for any and all appointments, and hopefully, surgeries.
Not telling me things, Not being absolutely truthful with me... hurts me more than helps me. I'm your daughter, so you know I'm not stupid. Give me a few more days on the internet and I'll be an expert about liver disease. Useful little tool, that internet. I know about acites, encephalopathy, electrolytes and even what a MELD is. I know that high amonia levels cause your brain to go wonky. Heck, you could even end up with black feet.
A litte knowledge is a dangerous thing. Without facts about you and your case, I can only speculate. And Jason can tell you, letting me speculate is worse than anything. He could be running late from work, and I'll be in a panic. My imagination is way worse than reality.
If you want me or need me for anything, I'll be there. I have people in place to help out with the kids. I'm here for you no matter what. I love you more than you could ever know.
Dear Dad,
I have to tell you that right now I'm feeling shut out. Hearing about what is going on third person is driving me batty.
Carol told me that you don't want me there for the transplant evaluation and all because you don't want me to be there for all the death talk. If you absolutely don't want me there, then I'll respect your wishes. But I want to be there for you. I need to help you through this. No matter which way it goes. Because I'm feeling like I'm being cheated on time. We've grown close over the past several years, and I'm selfish... I want more.
I spent most of my teenage years wanting you around. I honestly have no idea why things turned out the way they did. Then, with Emily and the subsequent events over the years, we've worked out a great relationship. One that I treasure immensely.
I've learned to accept what I can't/couldn't have and love what I do have.
While it pains me to know you are dying, I can accept it. And I would like do anything and everything I can to help you. And that includes being with you for any and all appointments, and hopefully, surgeries.
Not telling me things, Not being absolutely truthful with me... hurts me more than helps me. I'm your daughter, so you know I'm not stupid. Give me a few more days on the internet and I'll be an expert about liver disease. Useful little tool, that internet. I know about acites, encephalopathy, electrolytes and even what a MELD is. I know that high amonia levels cause your brain to go wonky. Heck, you could even end up with black feet.
A litte knowledge is a dangerous thing. Without facts about you and your case, I can only speculate. And Jason can tell you, letting me speculate is worse than anything. He could be running late from work, and I'll be in a panic. My imagination is way worse than reality.
If you want me or need me for anything, I'll be there. I have people in place to help out with the kids. I'm here for you no matter what. I love you more than you could ever know.
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