Farting can make the worse of times seem better.

I've had one of my bad days. Pain is 7 -8 and I'm doped. On top of it all, I got the "too tired" excuse!

Firstly, I haven't gotten any for over a week. This makes me grumpy. The main reason for this was I had my period, but that's been over for a few days. We just haven't synched up.

So, I made a point of letting it be known I was wanting some. Then, I fell asleep around 5ish (dopey) and slept til 11ish. I had to eat something and Jason was playing EQ2 so I told him to get me when he was done, and went to eat.

For me, sex helps with the headaches. At the very least, it helps me forget that I'm in pain for a bit. And I feel that it's important in a relationship. I need that connection... and that orgasm. I admit, I'm a horndog.

He comes down a bit later, just too tired. Well, with pain + meds + me just being a big baby, I started to cry. I tried to hold it back, but he can defeat that with a look. So, I'm a fucking nutcase now.

Without going into a whole lot of nonsense, we didn't. He would have, at one point said we were gonna whether I thought it was because he felt sorry for me or not. Yeah, that may have worked if he'd kissed me with a bit more gumption. Men... best way into your woman's pants is to kiss her and touch her like there is nothing else in the world you want! And that includes a good night's sleep.

Just to clarify, I'm not mad. I'm over-sensitive. And I think the meds are having the wrong effect on me. I am crying over everything. I love the man so much. And most times, this wouldn't have bothered me a bit. I'd have asked for a raincheck and turned back on the TV.

I wanted him to get the sleep. I didn't want a pity fuck. I just want him to be happy. And right now, with me like this, I don't see how he can be.

So, after he fell into a deep sleep, I wrote in my headache journal. Still couldn't sleep so came in to check my emails. My sister sent me http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2453217212869715744. Have I ever mentioned that I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy? Oh yeah, that cheered me up!

Then I had to check the 776th boards, and there were more fun Google videos posted making fun of people. Good times!

My head still hurts and I still feel a bit rejected and disappointed. But at least I know that farts can always cut through my depression.

Good Day

Today was actually as pain free of a day as I can have. I should have been cleaning and catching up on the millions of things I have to catch up on due to these headaches, but I did fun stuff instead.

I talked to Mike a bit on IM. Always a fun time, and I've really been missing him, Clint and the 776th gang. Hopefully, I'll be on more. I'm gonna try to anyway! If nothing else, I'm determined to be fixed by DNDO. If not, I think I'll cry!

Mostly I hung out with the kids. We played "Karaoke Revolution Party", danced while making dinner... mostly just played. Emily told me that she's not seen me so hyper and fun. That killed me. Have I been fucked up so long that she doesn't remember? Are they all going to remember only Mommy hurts? Not Mommy has fun?

I've been working on designing a few new tattoos. I keep coming up with more ideas and sketching them out for Ian to take a gander. So far, I think I'm up to 10. 3 more and I'll have to stop. It's relaxing and helps me stay focused on something. Lordy knows I need focus!

One of my favorite artists is Salvador Dali. He was also a migraine sufferer (big surprise there, eh?). I found a picture of his meditative rose. I love roses (as cliche as they are) and am thinking of adding that rose in somewhere on my body.

Living with pain most of the time has definately become a burden. It's highly depressing, especially knowing that my kids are missing out on who I really am. I'm on an anti-depressant for the migraines. Hopefully, it'll help with the actual depression too.

I haven't talked to most of my friends. Amanda and folks I work with are about it. I haven't even called my Mom for days. I think it's more that I really don't want to talk about it. I know that things will be asked. And honestly, if I keep talking about it, I'll become a whiner. I can't stand being known as the whiner.

Jason actually didn't feel well today. He came home and went to bed. Slept til 9ish too! Then went back to bed! Ha! I do that all the time! I can tell that he's really getting annoyed with all the things that aren't getting done. So am I. But, it'll all be there tomorrow (most likely the next year or so). I need the family time.