Does it ever stop?

Another night of sleeplessness. I'm sad. I miss him so much. Even though we didn't talk a lot, we always knew that the other was there. Now, I can't call him. I can't bear to erase his numbers from my cell phone. Or from the wipe board on the fridge. I wish I'd grabbed the recorder from his house. His voice was on it. I miss his voice. I left so many things there, because at the time, I thought I'd be back. I thought I'd be able to be in his house, with his things. I coulnd't take things that I thought he'd want to stay. I wanted to keep that house his home. Now it's on the market and soon, it won't be his. More and more I feel pain. I spend so much time either avoiding or crying. I miss his voice. Fucking hell.