...
For the past few months I've noticed that my father was behaving strangly, again. About 2 years ago, Carol and I flew down when he was hospitalized for rectal bleeding. On top of that, his drinking was going to kill him.
His Girlfriend, Erin, decided she'd had enough. Can't blame her there. But, there were some instances with her that were not pleasant. They broke up, but are still friends. Even though she hadn't seen him since Christmas.
Fast forward to this drama. Carol got a call from Erin that Dad was in a hospital in Houston. He'd gotten confused at the airport with gate changes (the man practically lives in airports) his secretary got a hold of the airline, and they decided to take him to the ER.
Confusion = sign of Cirrhosis.
long story cut even shorter. Today they went to the doctor. I don't really know what all was involved. But the short of it is, Dad has to have a liver transplant, or he will die in 3 - 6 months.
I can barely describe all that's going through me. Initially, I just broke down. At work of all places. Jason had Carol call me there. I told him I wanted to know things. Good thing I was only in for scanning.
I was 12 when Dad left. Before that, he was my hero. I was Daddy's girl and thought the absolute world of him. For some reason (the kid in me still blames my step-mother) he stopped seeing us after a couple of years. I barely found out they were moving to TX before it happened. I eloped partially because I was scared he wouldn't show up to give me away. He and his wife didn't go to my step-sister's funeral, why come to my wedding?
So, lots of baggage there. Lots of pain and heartbreak. More in there... but trying to get to the meat.
When I was pregnant with Emily, I decided that I wanted her to know her Grandaddy. So, I started aggressively calling him and working toward reconciliation (honestly, I don't know if he thought we needed reconciled). It wasn't until Abby's birth and Dad's subsequent run in with prostate cancer that he started coming to me.
With the prostate cancer, he went through another divorce.
People, don't marry the ones you cheat with. It's just stupid.
My stepmother and half-brother left for Colorado. Dad and I talked a lot. I had my father back.
There's been drama since. And always him needing me. I've only had 5 years of him. Sadly, spent apart... but we talked. I felt better about our relationship than ever. And now I find out I could only have 3 - 6 months.
So, that pisses me off. And on top of that, that he did this to himself. Another genius bites the dust.
He doesn't want the transplant. Acutally, when I finally talked to him tonight, he acted like there were other options. He said the surgery was too dangerous, that he could die. Well, duh. He's gonna die without it. But, he's in denial. He's a fucking brilliant doctor, he knows.
While I do not want to lose him, I have very mixed feelings about him receiving a donor liver.
First, he destroyed his. He's been depressed, he's extremely lonely, and too damn smart for his own good. He's 61.
I'd rather someone with a non-self-inlficted liver condition get one. I suspect that's part of his reasoning as well. And doctors have problems with death. Someone would have to die for him to live.
one of my main problems is he doesn't want to tell our brother. WTF. CJ will be there in a couple of weeks (first time since he moved). Dad needs to tell him. I'd be sooo pissed if I found out the rest of the family knew and not me.
I love my father so much. He's a bit fucked up, but he's mine.
This disease is going to rip him apart. He's already jaundiced and retaining water. He's highly confused. Carol said he looks nothing like he did when I saw him last year. I can't stand the thought of him going through this all alone. I can't stand that he's acting like all's well. I want to go down there so bad, but at the same time, don't. If things go as bad as they seem like they will, I'll be doing a lot of travelling. And that just hurts my kids. And should I take them, to say goodbye? At least before he gets really bad...
I feel so raw. I know I'm going to be the head sibling in all this. And I want to be. I don't want anyone outside of family involved anymore. I don't think I can stop the Erin train. But, if Dad wants her around, I'll have to accept it.
3 months will be mine and Carol's birthdays. 6 puts us in August.
If they can find a donor liver, the chance is 85% after 5 years survival.
I doubt his second opinion (his idea) will be much better. I'm going to try to be there for that one. He doens't want to do that until they get all the work ups done for him to be a candidate.
I kinda think he wants to die. That's he's been so incredibly miserable, he just can't stand it anymore. That kills me.
His Girlfriend, Erin, decided she'd had enough. Can't blame her there. But, there were some instances with her that were not pleasant. They broke up, but are still friends. Even though she hadn't seen him since Christmas.
Fast forward to this drama. Carol got a call from Erin that Dad was in a hospital in Houston. He'd gotten confused at the airport with gate changes (the man practically lives in airports) his secretary got a hold of the airline, and they decided to take him to the ER.
Confusion = sign of Cirrhosis.
long story cut even shorter. Today they went to the doctor. I don't really know what all was involved. But the short of it is, Dad has to have a liver transplant, or he will die in 3 - 6 months.
I can barely describe all that's going through me. Initially, I just broke down. At work of all places. Jason had Carol call me there. I told him I wanted to know things. Good thing I was only in for scanning.
I was 12 when Dad left. Before that, he was my hero. I was Daddy's girl and thought the absolute world of him. For some reason (the kid in me still blames my step-mother) he stopped seeing us after a couple of years. I barely found out they were moving to TX before it happened. I eloped partially because I was scared he wouldn't show up to give me away. He and his wife didn't go to my step-sister's funeral, why come to my wedding?
So, lots of baggage there. Lots of pain and heartbreak. More in there... but trying to get to the meat.
When I was pregnant with Emily, I decided that I wanted her to know her Grandaddy. So, I started aggressively calling him and working toward reconciliation (honestly, I don't know if he thought we needed reconciled). It wasn't until Abby's birth and Dad's subsequent run in with prostate cancer that he started coming to me.
With the prostate cancer, he went through another divorce.
People, don't marry the ones you cheat with. It's just stupid.
My stepmother and half-brother left for Colorado. Dad and I talked a lot. I had my father back.
There's been drama since. And always him needing me. I've only had 5 years of him. Sadly, spent apart... but we talked. I felt better about our relationship than ever. And now I find out I could only have 3 - 6 months.
So, that pisses me off. And on top of that, that he did this to himself. Another genius bites the dust.
He doesn't want the transplant. Acutally, when I finally talked to him tonight, he acted like there were other options. He said the surgery was too dangerous, that he could die. Well, duh. He's gonna die without it. But, he's in denial. He's a fucking brilliant doctor, he knows.
While I do not want to lose him, I have very mixed feelings about him receiving a donor liver.
First, he destroyed his. He's been depressed, he's extremely lonely, and too damn smart for his own good. He's 61.
I'd rather someone with a non-self-inlficted liver condition get one. I suspect that's part of his reasoning as well. And doctors have problems with death. Someone would have to die for him to live.
one of my main problems is he doesn't want to tell our brother. WTF. CJ will be there in a couple of weeks (first time since he moved). Dad needs to tell him. I'd be sooo pissed if I found out the rest of the family knew and not me.
I love my father so much. He's a bit fucked up, but he's mine.
This disease is going to rip him apart. He's already jaundiced and retaining water. He's highly confused. Carol said he looks nothing like he did when I saw him last year. I can't stand the thought of him going through this all alone. I can't stand that he's acting like all's well. I want to go down there so bad, but at the same time, don't. If things go as bad as they seem like they will, I'll be doing a lot of travelling. And that just hurts my kids. And should I take them, to say goodbye? At least before he gets really bad...
I feel so raw. I know I'm going to be the head sibling in all this. And I want to be. I don't want anyone outside of family involved anymore. I don't think I can stop the Erin train. But, if Dad wants her around, I'll have to accept it.
3 months will be mine and Carol's birthdays. 6 puts us in August.
If they can find a donor liver, the chance is 85% after 5 years survival.
I doubt his second opinion (his idea) will be much better. I'm going to try to be there for that one. He doens't want to do that until they get all the work ups done for him to be a candidate.
I kinda think he wants to die. That's he's been so incredibly miserable, he just can't stand it anymore. That kills me.